Ella told me a story two days ago of something that happened at school. Some of the boys in her class were repeating this little rhyme that goes something like this: chug, chug, ding, ding, toot, toot, your butt. I don't know it exactly. Anyway we don't like Ella to use the word butt. I don't think its a bad word just an ugly one, especially when a 4-year-old says it.
Ella told them they shouldn't say things that aren't nice. Instead they should say and sing nice things like Jesus wants me for a sunbeam, or (a title of a song she made up that I can't think of right now).
The boys laughed.
I tried not to show Ella that I was hurt that they laughed at her. Instead I told her that she's right and did the right thing. I want her to fit in and be accepted, but not at the cost of her compromising her beliefs and values. Now I know she could have not said anything and ignored it, that would have been more socially acceptable. At the same time I am so proud that she wants to help others' do better.
Since she is my oldest this is the first time that I have had ridicule pointed at one of my children, and it scares me. If 4 and 5 year olds already know how to laugh at someone in a not nice way, what is going to happen when she is 10 or 13 or 17? I can honestly say I don't look forward to those challenges that this world will inevitably throw in our path.
How does any parent manage? How can I overlook the part of me that wants to take those boys by the shoulders and tell them to never do anything like that again to my daughter or else? How do I teach Ella self worth? I feel so inadequate. One should be required to receive a doctorate degree in parenting before they are ever allowed to procreate.
12 comments:
I worry about that too. But you are a great mom and she is a great kid (I still remember her telling me that she is a princess when I was in Nursery!) and you have the gospel in your life, so things will be fine! I love that picture of her!!
Oh! I'm your new visiting teacher. We are going to try to come visit you soon, but until then I just wanted you to know in case you need anything!
So those are my fears that I have for my kids...and they are boys! As much as I know they need school I am not ready for the teasing, taunting, and misunderstandings that are going to happen. I too hope that my boys will be a positive example and make stand up for what they believe... you are doing a fantastic job...remember The Lord trusts you so you need to trust in yourself!!
Oh Allison I know exactly how you feel. I too feel that way at times. We are all learning together. I remember thinking that kids would get easier as they got older. Oh no, totally the other way around. This world can be pretty nasty. But, all we can do is our best and stay close to the Lord and do what we've been admonished to do by the prophets. Then, it's all in His hands.
I hate school Allison, so personally sometimes I am glad that parenting has no pre-reqs! But, I understand what you mean. You just need to teach Ella how to "pull an Allison" and they won't mess with her again. (ps, we dealt with this 2 summers ago when Kaylee was 3 and it was really hard for her too. She didn't -and really still doesn't- understand teasing.)
pss: I love that picture of Ella. And I am not just saying that because I was there when it was taken.
Cute pic. I am not looking forward to that at all. And about the PHD thing...I felt like that from the beginning! :) I worry all the time about messing her up..
Love the picture of Ella she looks so innocent! I know exactly how you feel. I teach the 8 turning 9 year olds in Primary and already I see the way the girls act towards each other. I am not looking forward to Hadley becoming a tween. I am dreading the day that she comes home in tears.
I often try to look at it like Heavenly Father looks at us. I am sure there are way too many times when he wants to scream at those around us and shout "don't corrupt her like that", but instead he lets us practice what we learned at our heavenly home. We don't always get it right, but we grow stronger and tougher, and hopefully more full of faith. I hate to say the battle doesn't get any easier, but it is fun to rejoice in those moments when they did things right, and pray for them in the moments they need to do better. (and then pray that we say the right things--I watch Little House on the Prarie, and wish SO badly I had Ma's wisdom when I have to talk to my kids. She always says the most perfect things. . . )
I think all have commented well on this topic-- so I will just say- awesome photo.
I know pretty much nothing about 4 and 5 year olds, but I do remember that in about the 3rd or 4th grade one of my friends made fun of me for wearing an "I am a Child of God" necklace. I remember thinking, "but I really am, they just don't know." Then I just brushed it off and they never said anything again. I have no great advice. But as long as she knows what she believes I suspect she will be fine.
You have such strong beliefs yourself, and those will shine through to your girls. They may not recognize those exact beliefs right now since they are so young, but they will be very thankful for them one day. Beautiful picture of Ella!
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