Keeping it Real Part 2

Yesterday did not go any better. I am beginning to think this is my life and I don't like that thought.

Dash is apparently teething again and Ella may be experiencing PMS (not really, she is so grumpy lately though).

Amaya pooped in her panties yesterday during nap time. Apparently she tried to clean it up herself, because she put on a new pair of panties and got poop all over that pair too and the carpet in her room. I am only giving the tiniest details, because there's more. While I was making dinner, SHE DID IT AGAIN!! And again trying to clean it up made more of a mess than just the pants and panties. I called Shad crying. He told me earlier in the day he would be very late again, he was trying to finish up work so he wouldn't have to go in on Saturday. I called him crying and told him he would have to go in on Saturday I needed him home, I needed help.

He did come home immediately and helped immensely. He tried just taking over everything and though the thought was nice, I didn't need him to do everything just some of it. I apparently cannot do it all all by myself.

My mom called me this morning, she'd read my last post and was laughing. I love my mother and her laugh it really does help me to remember to smile about it. It's over now. I asked her if this really is what motherhood is, if this is really what I have signed up for. Her response was straightforward and simple "yes".

Okay, I know I am not crazy, but I have crazy thoughts wanting to escape it all. I know I'll never do any of it. I am quick to remind myself why it is all happening. Ella is just looking for attention and affirmation that she is an equal member of this family. Dash is hurting. It's not fun having a very dull pain in your mouth all the time. Amaya.... I don't know why she does what she does other than to say she's still 2.

Elder L. Whitney Clayton just gave a talk in the last general conference about our burdens. He said : Adversity and afflictions that are ours, however difficult to bear, last, from heaven's perspective, for "but a small moment; and then, if we endure it well, God shall exalt us on high". We must do everything we can to bear our burdens "well" for however long our "small moment" carrying them lasts. Burdens provide opportunities to practice virtues that contribute to eventual perfection.

Sigh! I have not been enduring them well. But for the last two mornings I have awakened telling myself today will be better. I know one morning, if not today, it will be true. I will try to bear my burdens well. Because my children are beautiful, intelligent, safe, and healthy.

Thanks, Mom, and other friends who remind me that I am not alone in the trial that motherhood brings and that I am not failing.