How are you feeling?

33 weeks

Now I know all my family and friends that have ever been pregnant know what I mean when I say this. When someone asks that question " How are you feeling?" do they really want the honest answer?  Because for me, it will always be full of negatives.

Well how do I feel, let us see, where to start...

Last night I took a Benadryl to see if would help me from not itching.  You see when I am pregnant I itch and then I scratch and then I get this little red rash that covers my back, sides of my belly and lower belly that burns.  It feels like your skin does after an indian burn (remember those? I had two big brothers, I remember).  But the Benadryl actually didn't help the itching and the drug that makes you drowsy had an adverse affect on me, so I was trying to go to sleep between 9:30 pm and 3:00 am.  At which time I finally in a pleading prayer begged for relief by being able to go to sleep so that I could get at least 3 hours before getting Ella up for school.  During that first 6 hours of tossing and turning whatever body part was touching the bed felt like I had extremely dry skin (which shouldn't be the case since I slather body butter and oil on my skin every hour) and it was being stretched as far as it would go making the sheets feel like they were covered in little prickly burrs.  My prayer was answered last night, thankfully.  

Let's move on to the issue of not being able to pull myself off my own couch.  If Shad is next to me I grab his hand and in way he gives me a handicap rail to pull myself up on.  If he isn't home I roll off.  When I stand and start walking the nerve in my lower back seizes up and makes it so I can't move one of my legs any farther ahead of my body than a couple of inches.  I have found hot baths to help with this.  But hot baths are to be avoided if you have itchy skin, they strip your body of their natural oils.  Some nights I really go back and forth on what I should do.  "I am going to be itchy anyway, just take a bath"  "yes, I'll be itchy anyway, but will it be even worse if I dry my skin more?"

Warning next topic might be TMI for some.

So one of my indulgences right now is chewing ice.  Love It.  I love that it is so cold and that it really isn't an indulgence because it is better than drinking a soda (which is caffienated and will keep me up all night like the Benadryl).  The side effect from this is having to use the bathroom afterward, not all at once though.  I could handle that, I go like 3 times in an hour for a couple of hours afterward.  I have to cut myself off at 5 or 6 pm at night, so I am not still going from the ice at 2:00 am.

And a those are just some of the symptoms that are on top of all the "normal" symptoms:

-Not being able to catch your breath cause you walked up a flight of stairs

-Needing to be sure your sitting when a sneeze or cough comes on

-Having a soccer player practicing his moves on you when you finally lay down at the end of the     day

-Only having two outfits and only one of those two is actually comfortable to wear 

-Being short-tempered with everyone you see during the day and holding it just to have it    explode out of you on the poor innocent ones that happen to live with you

- One word: cankles

- Two words: stretch marks

I am just not believing that Bishop or lady behind the cash register really want to know all that, when they so innocently ask a concerned question.

My friend asked me this the other night and I gave my usual answer "oh, alright."  She then said "I'm sorry I asked, I always hated that question" She's had 5 kids, she knows what I am talking about.

I wish I was able to articulate it better.  If I could, I'd write a book about it. 

Let me just say I know I am not the one that is most effected from bringing dear sweet babies into this world.  I know there are women that lay in a bed day in and day out hoping it will help them hold onto the pregnancy long enough for the baby to be able to survive on the outside.  I know there are women that have to get IV's hooked up so they don't starve because they can't keep anything down.  There are even women that put their own life on the line for someone they haven't met yet, but know they love them more than anything else in the world.  And I am very grateful for the blessings I have been given. Such as the ability to still get out of bed in the morning and take care of my girls, even though I don't want to. 

But how can I say "no way, I won't do it" when my babies are this cute?

Ella 1-2 months

Amaya, 2-3 months

Just looking at these pictures I want to scoop them out of the computer and kiss those cheeks.